What would happen if Serial Killers, and one Serial Hypnotiser made friends on Facebook?
Welcome to another installment of Serial Killer’s on Facebook. For those of you just joining us, what we have here is a social experiment. We wanted to see what would happen if we took the identities of serial killers and put them on a social network such as Facebook. Most of us have had our serial killers chosen for us by the “What Serial Killer Are You?” application on the Facebook site itself. But for those of us who couldn’t get into the application, or took the quiz and scored one of the other serial killers already in the group, they got to pick who they wanted to be. Lucky bastards! So let’s start with a roll call.
Stacy – John Wayne Gasy. AKA Pogo The Clown.
Emily – Ted Bundy
Michelle – Ed Gein AKA Buffalo Bill
Chrisitna – Gary Ridgeway AKA The Green River Killer
Jeremy – Jeffrey Dahmer.
Ron – Charles Manson
Ryan – Mr. Herman Webster Mudgett. AKA Dr. Henry Howard Holmes
Larry – The Zodiac Killer
Jennifer – Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed
John Wayne Gacy – So this morning I went down to the Salvation Army because I’m interested in adopting a family for the holidays. I’ve cleaned out my crawl space and everything! So after sitting there for almost and hour, and reading their stupid pamphlet my name was finally called. I was so excited I almost stabbed someone right there on the spot!
A very nice Mrs. Edwards explained to me that “The Adopt-A-Family (AAF) program matches impoverished families with individual or group sponsors to provide for their tangible needs at Christmas. Without the benefit of an adoption, these families would be looking forward to a very grim holiday. Being adopted is designed to be a once or, on very rare occasions, twice in a lifetime event for recipient families. ” Yea, blah, blah, blah.
Then I told her I didn’t think it was going to be necessary to adopt them twice and that once should be good enough. Then she told me that sponsers come in many shapes and sizes and I think that might have been a crack about my weight. But I kept my cool and asked her if she needed me to pull the van to a loading dock or something to pick up my new family. Then she proceeded to tell me I don’t actually get to “adopt” them. I’m just supposed to buy them shit so they have a better Christmas. WTF? I rented a u-haul and everything for this! What about MY Christmas? Where’s MY gift? So next thing I know she’s calling the police. And that’s not going to work for me being as I don’t have any coffee on me this time around for my friends in blue. So I do what anyone in my position would do. I make a run for the door while snatching up an old man who was also waiting to adopt a family. Sucker! Little did I know he was a Krav Maga graduate and now I not only have no adopted family for the holidays. But I have to pay for and empty U-haul and one broken rib. Merry fucking Christmas to me!!!!!!
Gary Ridgeway – John, so sorry for your loss. Losing a family is tough but losing a family you never had in the first place is horrible! I have an extra street walker, interested???
I hope you enjoyed our little conversation and found it educational as well. We have been doing research on ourselves as well as on each other so we know what buttons to push, how to compliment one another, and for basic knowledge. Until next time, sleep tight.
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