What would happen if Serial Killers made friends on Facebook?
Welcome to another installment of Serial Killer’s on Facebook. For those of you just joining us, what we have here is a social experiment. We wanted to see what would happen if we took the identities of serial killers and put them on a social network such as Facebook. Most of us have had our serial killers chosen for us by the “What Serial Killer Are You?” application on the Facebook site itself. But for those of us who couldn’t get into the application, or took the quiz and scored one of the other serial killers already in the group, they got to pick who they wanted to be. Lucky bastards! So let’s start with a roll call.
Stacy – John Wayne Gasy. AKA Pogo The Clown.
Emily – Ted Bundy
Michelle – Ed Gein AKA Buffalo Bill
Chrisitna – Gary Ridgeway AKA The Green River Killer
Jeremy – Jeffrey Dahmer.
Ron – Charles Manson
Ryan – Mr. Herman Webster Mudgett. AKA Dr. Henry Howard Holmes
John Wayne Gacy – Okay, things are just getting a little too freaky around here for my taste and you know that’s bad. At first I wanted to live with Jeff because, well I thought he was pretty hot to be totally honest. But lately he’s been feeding me nothing but mashed potatoes and weight gain shakes. He told me they were Slim Fast. Slim Fast my ass! No seriously my ass. My ass is HUGE! You should see it. Last night I found him at the foot of my bed with a fork, knife and some Lawry’s seasoning salt. I’m tripping out you guys. I just got a phone call from Home Depot and they are supposed to come over tomorrow to install a new oven Jeff ordered. Coincidentally, it happens to be my exact length and width. I also called my bank today and it turns out all the money in my account has been taken out by my “domestic partner.” Listen, I wanted the guy to eat me. But I didn’t want him to actually “eat me.” What do I do?
Charles Manson – That’s nothing a little weed, a guitar and the heart of a piggy can’t cure. Go with it man. It’s a beautiful thing. Just ask Katie. She can have an orgasm while killing for our love.
Charles Manson – I think I need a roll call cats. This last batch of acid is screwing with my head and I can’t figure out who you all are.
Ted Bundy – okay, don’t panic. the key to living with a psychopathic cannibal is to be sure you differentiate yourself from his typical prey. the guys jeff used to go after were effeminate little bitches. you are a big, strapping man, john…don’t you …forget it. smack his ass around a little bit and let him know that you are more than just a luby’s all you can eat buffet. maybe you two should go hunting together. you both have the same taste, um…bad analogy, both have the same preferences in boys. it might be a special thing you can do together. either that or shoot him between the eyes. either or.
Gary Ridgeway – Did someone say orgasm???
Ed Gein – Let him know who’s the boss John, don’t let him treat you like a sissy!
John Wayne Gacy – I’m sorry Ed. Did you say something? I blacked out again.
I hope you enjoyed our little conversation and found it educational as well. We have been doing research on ourselves as well as on each other so we know what buttons to push, how to compliment one another, and for basic knowledge. Until next time, sleep tight.
Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Send questions, comments, brownie recipes or random brainfarts to: email@example.com