What would happen if Serial Killers made friends on Facebook?
Yea, yea. I’m really late today. Whatever. Complain to the editor. He’s the one who went out for sandwiches and left me here with my bad grammar. So let’s get to it shall we.
Welcome to another installment of Serial Killer’s on Facebook. For those of you just joining us, what we have here is a social experiment. We wanted to see what would happen if we took the identities of serial killers and put them on a social network such as Facebook. Most of us have had our serial killers chosen for us by the “What Serial Killer Are You?” application on the Facebook site it’s self. But for those of us who couldn’t get into the application, or took the quiz and scored one of the other serial killers already in the group, they got to pick who they wanted to be. Lucky bastards! So let’s start with a roll call.
Stacy – John Wayne Gasy. AKA Pogo The Clown.
Emily – Ted Bundy
Michelle – Ed Gein AKA Buffalo Bill
Chrisitna – Gary Ridgeway AKA The Green River Killer
Jeremy – Jeffrey Dahmer. (The role of Dahmer was going to be played by the ever popular Poptart. But Jeremy here actually scored Dahmer on the quiz so Poptart will have to pick again. Sorry Tart.)
But this is just the beginning. We have had more join our little circle of friends. But I will introduce them as time goes on. Let’s not jump the body..I mean gun here. Here is your latest edition.
Jeffrey Dahmer – J-Dub! So glad you started this thing to bring us all together again. Jeffrey here. That’s right, kids. The whole “inmate kills Dahmer” story was blown WAY out of proportion. So how is everyone? I’ve been BUSY working on a new cookbook. It’s a twist on the old Atkins diet with lots of lean protein, which means lots of missing joggers. LOL! No, seriously. I tried yoga, but those chicks are tough! Zing! Be here all week. Tip your waitress.
Ted Bundy – wtf, jeff?!?! “chicks”? i thought you enjoyed casing your own sausage. oh well, they do say that prison changes a man. how’s it hangin’, freak-boy?
Jeffrey Dahmer – Ted, I have to say, I’m a huge fan. I was making a run at your title, but stupid f***ing Tracy Edwards had to go and ruin my streak. So please forgive me when I say that I wouldn’t have taken you for a feminist. “Chicks” is a reference to chicken, as in “everything tastes like…” C’mon, Bundiddler. Lighten up. Ciao.
Ted Bundy – hahahahaha….tastes like chicken. that’s priceless, jeff. oh, and just let me know what bits you need for your new dishes. speaking of feminism, this whole low self-esteem gotta be as thin as o.j.’s alibi to feel good about myself has really got to have changed the game for you chompers out there. tell me, did the anorexic trend lead your cookbook, or are you starting to worry about if your ass looks fat? as for me, these gals being one cracker away from skeletal makes my job a lot easier.
Ed Gein- Jeffrey, what up? Had any good company lately?
Jeffrey Dahmer – Ted, you hit the hitchhiker on the head with that one. True, the Olsen twins have made it much more difficult for me to get by. Used to be, I could eat for weeks after one night at the gay bar. But now these kids all want to fit into their …skinny jeans. Ugh. Don’t get me started. So yes, there is some adaptability behind the book. But it also reflects my new dedication to health. You know, killing and eating people really makes you aware of your own mortality. And of course there’s a part of me that wants to lose my homeless handles. I used to be able to eat Mexican three times a week and still fit into those “leather” pants that Ed made for me back in high school. The original skin-ee jeans, if you get my drift. Zing! BTW Ed, great to hear from you, and my pants are still in the closet (unlike J-Dub…Zing!). Fingers crossed I’ll be back down to my fighting weight by the Christmas party.
John Wayne Gacy – Fat jokes. Real mature.
I hope you enjoyed our little conversation and found it educational as well. We have been doing research on ourselves as well as on each other so we know what buttons to push, how to compliment one another, and for basic knowledge. Until next time, sleep tight.