What would happen if Serial Killers made friends on Facebook?


Welcome to another installment of Serial Killer’s on Facebook. For those of you just joining us, what we have here is a social experiment. We wanted to see what would happen if we took the identities of serial killers and put them on a social network such as Facebook. Most of us have had our serial killers chosen for us by the “What Serial Killer Are You?” application on the Facebook site it’s self. But for those of us who couldn’t get into the application, or took the quiz and scored one of the other serial killers already in the group, they got to pick who they wanted to be. Lucky bastards! So let’s start with a roll call.

ROLL CALL!

Stacy – John Wayne Gasy. AKA Pogo The Clown.
Emily – Ted Bundy
Michelle – Ed Gein AKA Buffalo Bill
Chrisitna – Gary Ridgeway AKA The Green River Killer

But this is just the beginning. We have had more join our little circle of friends. But I will introduce them as time goes on. Let’s not jump the body..I mean gun here.

Ted Bundy – john, thank you so much for inviting me into the fold. i really look forward to catching up with the crew. hey ed, give me a shout out. i have to head to my mother’s here in a bit to help her move and was wondering if you could give me a few tips on tanning. she’s in a new neighborhood and no one knows my face yet and i’d like to keep it that way if you know what i mean…wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more. also, anyone have a brace or a sling they aren’t using atm? mine’s a little too 1970’s.

John Wayne Gacy – I don’t have a sling, but I do have some clown make up I can lend you. I would be more than happy to apply it myself if you know what I mean.

Ted Bundy – i think i might be a little too old for you, john my boy. it’s sweet of you to offer. while we’re on the subject of helping each other out, if we had started correspondence sooner i could have suggested you not keep all of your boys under your house. not only is it pretty damning evidence…it’s also a health issue, don’t you think? just sayin. anybody else want to chime in on this one? ridgway, you in here? now that brother KNOWS how to keep a body hidden and the evidence jumpin. give us some advice!

John Wayne Gacy – Thanks Ted. Information I could have used what 36 years ago. I’m so sorry you have to go to your mothers/older sisters house. I know your not a fan. I noticed that you graduated from UW with a degree in psychology in 1972. I find that fascinating. I have a feeling that if you had the opportunity to represent yourself you probably would have gotten off.

Ted Bundy – john, why’d you have to bring up the mother/sister thing? huh? you know that’s a sensitive subject. don’t see me calling you a sissy, do you? great…now i’m mad and need to let off some steam. i have to move my sister…er, mother, pick up a present for myself, AND get back in time for the world series. jeeze john, you just reeeeealy made me push the time-clock today. you KNOW i have anger management problems!!! DAMNIT!!!!!!!!

John Wayne Gacy – SISSY! SISSY! NO BODY CALLS ME A SISSY! Ted, I was trying to be friends here you degenerate little shoplifter. Let’s discuss your immaturity and lack of ambition for one second shall we. Come on Ted don’t make me bring up Stephanie Brooks. We both know where this conversation is going to end up.

Gary Ridgeway – Hey Ted, Gary here. I do have an older model sling. It belonged to Trixie, says she was beaten by her pimp but your going to have to go get it out of the river. If you can find it your more then welcome to it.

Ed Gein – Shout out to Ted, Stay on the DL, I will make you a brace and a sling as soon as I spot my next special friend. Now, were did you say your moving your mother, er sister to? No body likes a Sissy John, i’m sending you a manly man outfit and a special package of meat that should do the trick. Hey Gary, what’s up homeboy!?!

John Wayne Gacy – Ed, I’m warning you. Keep the sissy remarks to a minimum. You may be a little old for my taste but I bet you two heads and and arm I can fit you in my crawl space.

Gary Ridgeway – Alright everyone stay cool- I am headed to a BBQ with friends and then down to the river for a little Me time!

Ted Bundy – ed, if you can make me a sling from my own mother i will buy you a GPS with her coordinates pre-entered. no need for trixie’s in that case, gary. thanks anyway.

Ted Bundy – john…stephanie? really? i’m so dressing up like a choirboy and kicking your a$$ if you keep it up. seriously, keep it up fat boy.

Ed Gein – I’m so on it, in it, and all around it Ted!

John Wayne Gacy – Ed and Ted sitting in a tree CARVING.

Ted Bundy – first came porn, then came hookers, then came wearing your mother’s face as a hat in a crazy’s parade. sorry…not the best at rhymes.

John Wayne Gacy – With an ass like yours who need to rhyme. Sorry, it’s been a long, long time.

Ted Bundy – guess all would be forgiven if i invited you over for a little slap and tickle, eh john? relax brother, tomorrow is halloween. it’s YOUR season. now get out there and make us proud. oh…but for the love of god DO NOT keep them under your d…amned house this time!!! use your resources. be like the native americans. we are, like, just about the perfect “green” serial killer group. we’ve got people who will eat your kills, screw your kills, make lampshades and decoupage out of your kills…nothing need go to waste anymore. let’s be responsible sociopaths, here. we may be insane, but we need to leave this world nice and clean for the ones who will take it over when we are gone.

John Wayne Gasey – I’m sorry Ted. I feel so bad for what I said to you earlier. I was angry because I’m not going to lie, I’m attracted to you. How could I not be. I understand I’m not your type. But just so you know I once was a powerful man. My father-in-law to appoint me manager of three KFC restaurants and I’m use to getting what I want. Wait a second….now that would be a great way to dispose of body parts. Good thinking Ted. “Yes sir, would you like your leg regular or extra crispy?”

Ted Bundy – now THAT’S the forward-thinking gacy i know and love!! innovative! and hey, don’t feel bad about wanting to tap this fine ass of mine. nobody knows better than me how desirable i am. why do you think i sent all those ladies to the great beyond? do you have any idea what life would be like to have had a man like me and then have to settle for what’s left. i did them a favor. i need to go look at myself in a mirror and and rub myself down with baby oil…brb. i’m so sexy!!!!

John Wayne Gacy – Ted, you’re sending me mixed messages here buddy. First you turn me down and now you’re turning me on. Rubbing yourself down with baby oil. Now that’s just not nice. Come over here and let Pogo The Clown give you a little slap and tickle. O…h and BTW. I just read an very informative article that claims that you are in the top 10 list of all time serial killers. I got honorable mention. WTF? Now that might be fine and dandy but if you read the comments you will see that the readers think that Ed and I should have also made that list. As you well know I am a man of many words and will not be treated like a second class criminal.

I hope you enjoyed our little conversation and found it educational as well. We have been doing research on ourselves as well as on each other so we know what buttons to push, how to compliment one another, and for basic knowledge. Until next time, sleep tight.

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