Random Sunday / Psychotic Sunday – To tell or not to tell.

Welcome to Random Sundays and do we have a special treat for you today. We are going old school and are going to have a special Psychotic Sunday advice column for a friend in need. Just so you know if you’re ever in need we are here for you as well. We are kind of like “Dear Abby,” if Abby were a drunken ex-convict with ADHD. We want you, the readers, to write in with any problems you haven’t been able to solve with alcohol and/or Oprah. The reason I say “we” is because I have put together a top-notch team of “experts” to help you with your issues. Please keep in mind we are not professional therapists. And now for your reading pleasure….

Mrs. Diagnosed, are you still doing your Sunday advice series? The reason I am asking is because I have a problem and I am not sure how to handle it. I just started dating a friend of mine and they are the ex of another friend of mine. This is awkward and I am not sure how to tell my friend. My significant other says we should just call them and let them know but I don’t like that Idea. I know we are not going to be able to keep it secret but how should we approach this. I would like a male and female perspective, so maybe Ron could give me some advice as well. Thank you. Please help!
To tell or no to tell

Dear To tell of not to tell,
First off, I am going to assume you are a female even though you don’t indicate it in your letter. I know this because most guys would simply brag about it. (eg: “Huh, huh! I’m totally banging your ex, bro!”) What it comes down to is this: chicks just look for reasons to have drama in their lives anyway. If your friend doesn’t get all butt-hurt about you getting freaky with her ex, she will find another reason to hate you down the line. It might be that you call her 15 minutes late, don’t “poke” her back on facebook, go to see the newest Vampire chick-flick with another girl friend, etc. But, rest assured, it will happen. Your best bet is just to “accidentally” get caught having sex. The more compromising the situation the better. I recommend breaking into her house and filming yourselves doing it doggie style bent over her kitchen table. Leave the video in her dvd player. She will be so shocked that she won’t even know what to do about it. When a person doesn’t know what to do, they usually do nothing. Your friendship is saved and you can continue with your homewrecking ways.
No need to thank me. This is just what I do.

Dear To tell or not to tell,
I think the first thing you have to ask yourself is, how much is your friendship is worth? Are you BFF’s or just casual friends? Did she have a fling with your dude or was it a long term relationship? That will make all the difference. My husband happens to be the ex of a friend of mine. They only went out a couple of times. That being said, I called her and asked her if it was okay with her if he and I started dating. Don’t get me wrong, if she said no it wouldn’t have made a difference. I had him in my sights and was going to take the shot either way. BUT we’ve been together 10 years and he’s my best friend. So I guess in essence what I’m saying is, if he’s worth it and you know ahead of time that you may lose your friend and your at peace with that. All you can do out of respect for her is let her know. At that point the friendship ball is in her court. What she does with it is her choice. But I guarantee if she finds out on her own, she will probably be like most women and all hell will break loose. If that’s the case bolt the doors and bring out the Holy Water because your head is mostly likely going to spin. Good luck!
Mrs. Diagnosed

For those of you who need help in the future please write us.

Each one of us has written a description of ourselves. When you write in you can choose to pose your question to one of us directly, or just throw it in the pot and we’ll draw for it. Questions will then be posted on Sundays along with our answers. Please send questions to me at mrsdiagnosed@yahoo.com, and let me know which of the following crackpots you choose to be your moral Sherpa.

Mrs. Diagnosed: Has experience in sarcasm, being a bad-ass, criminal tendencies, man-eating, playing stupid, looking innocent, breaking up with cheating ex’s, dating like a man, drinking, annoying people on purpose, beauty pageants, panic attacks, crazy family members, being stalked by regular people, being stalked by the mob, drugs (prescription as well as recreational), home improvement, problems with authority, and all around tomfoolery.

Madam DD: A firm believer in “Do what I say and Not as I Do,” highly qualified in accepting all “Triple-Dog-Dares,” and is a firm believer in Karma. Well versed in dirty sex-talk, unhealthy relationships, and creative punishments. Has Mafia ties and has been Paternally Biologically Misled. Has no problem with getting into trouble and providing alibis for those in need. Talk to me…

Ms. Christina: Has experience with divorce, childrearing, sarcastic teenagers, fearless, accident-prone daughters. I also spend a lot of time with my 2-year old nephew and am tortured by Elmo and Sesame Street on a daily basis. I am currently planning their demise. I am a happy optimist but if you f*^k with me I will eat your soul. Currently living in Sin City but not currently sinning. *Christina is our positive affirmations expert.

Ron: Slightly deranged with narcissistic borderline personality disorder. The sole frightened male in a dwelling with four females. Former womanizer. Experience with all forms of substance abuse, psychotic ex-girlfriends, punk rock, Grateful Dead, philosophy, politics, anti-politics, deviant sexual behavior, fist fights, Disney, and outdoor recreation. I will not answer any questions having to do with clowns or so-called “little people” as they scare me senseless.

Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Send questions, comments, brownie recipes or random brainfarts to: mrsdiagnosed@yahoo.com


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