Honeymoon in Jamaica part 6. Wedding Crackers.


Poptart and I woke up and we were full of love, excitement, and dreams for the future. It was officially wedding day. The best part was, it wasn’t our wedding day. We didn’t have to deal with the stress, worries or rituals of the whole thing. All we had to do was sit back and enjoy. Life as we knew it was good. The wedding we had been invited to the night before didn’t start until later in the afternoon so we were able to have a nice leisurely morning and relax most of the day before the festivities started. To top it all off, we had reservations at an exclusive restaurant for dinner that night. We were really excited because this was supposed to be the best restaurant in the area, and we had to make our reservations days in advance. We were told it was well worth the wait.

Later that day we got dressed in the best clothes we brought, which were actually pretty nice considering that we were vacationing in a tropical destination. We then left our room with invitation in hand but had absolutely no idea where we were supposed to go. The invitation said “The Royal Plantation,” but it didn’t say where. We just walked down the stairs into the main lobby and there was a strikingly beautiful woman who worked for the hotel waiting for us. It was as if she was positioned there just for our benefit.
“Are you looking for the Walsh wedding?” the beautiful all-knowing woman asked.
“Yes we are,” Poptart said, taken back. Probably by a combination of her beauty, and the fact that she seemed to know where we needed to go. I wonder if she knows where I put my hoop earrings? I haven’t seen those since Tuesday.
“All guests will gather in the bar area and then we will take you down to where the wedding will take place,” she informed us. Well she certainly didn’t have to tell us where the bar was.

Poptart and I walked in and didn’t see our buddy Leonard so we just grabbed some champagne and sat at a table for two. We drank our champagne and talked amongst ourselves when the all knowing super model came into the bar and asked us all to follow her down to the beach. So all of the guests started the trek down to the beach, which wasn’t bad. It was actually a nice little walk along a curved path down to the sand. Poptart and I couldn’t help but notice that some of the guests in front of us would stop from time to time and look behind them in a way that said, “What the fuck?” So Poptart and I would stop and look behind us as well, but there was never anything back there.
“Do you think they’re looking at us?” Poptart asked me in a whisper.
“I don’t know,” I whispered back all the while smiling and nodding at the “What the fuck” people in front of us.
“Are we not dressed up enough?”
“What were we supposed to do? We didn’t know we were going to be invited to a wedding.”
“I think we look gooooood.”
“I think we look dangerously sexy.”
“Do you think it’s because we’re white?”
“Now that you mention it, we are the only white people out here.”
“They’re probably wondering ‘Who invited those crackers?’” Poptart said. I almost lost my shit.
“Stop it. Cracka ass cracka.”
“Cracka please.”
“Cracker wha….” At this point we had developed a full-blown case of the giggles.

Even though we seemed to make the other guests curious, once we sat down in our seats the curiosity ended. We were here, so we were good. We were officially part of the Walsh Wedding Team. GO TEAM! Where they were having the wedding made me want to kick myself. Why hadn’t I thought of something like this? The wedding was on this small pier that led out over the pristine blue ocean to a lovely little white gazebo. It was so nice. There weren’t very many guests so the fact that Poptart and I made the cut really made us feel special.
“Do you realize that exactly one week ago at this time we were getting married?” I said to Poptart. He looked at me and we both smiled. Our presence at this wedding somehow was just meant to be.

The music started and we stood up to watch the wedding party walk onto the pier and that’s when I first saw the sisters. They were tiny petite things with not even one hair out of place. Everything about them was perfect. They were beautiful. Then came the groom. He was a sight to see. This was a man you moved out of the way for. He would dwarf even the biggest of men. He had on a southern suit. What I mean by this, is that he had on a suit you may see on men from New Orleans. It looked as though it was made out of linen and was an off-white color. He wore it as well. Then came Leonard in the exact same suit, but a much smaller size, followed by the bride who was glowing. This was a cool wedding. I can’t say it any better than Paul Simon when I say the “bride was contagious.” When the vows were spoken you could see the love between the couple and I had no desire to be any other place in the whole world than where I was at that exact moment. After they said their vows they released white doves into the late afternoon sky and we were all invited to come back up to the hotel for cake and champagne.

As we walked back up the curving path we noticed Chaz and the other Young Republicans who had witnessed the sunset wedding from a distance were now staring at Poptart and me in disbelief. I elbowed Poptart and nodded toward Chaz. Poptart looked up and gave Chaz a smile and a wink. That’s right, who’s got more friends now bitch?
“I’m so glad you two could make it!” Leonard said as he caught up to us.
“Leonard, it was so beautiful. It really was.” I said.
“Thank you so much for inviting us, Leonard. We are so honored.” Poptart told him.
“Make sure you join us for some cake and champagne okay,” he said as he began to greet the other guests.
Poptart and I agreed. We still had an hour or so before we had to leave for the restaurant. Plenty of time for cake and champagne.

We followed everyone into a reception area where the bride and groom were taking pictures and getting ready to cut the cake. Champagne was passed around to everyone and Leonard was getting ready to make the first toast. And then the most unexpected thing happened.
“First off, I would like to thank our new friends, the Poptarts, for being our guests this evening…”
Holy shit! Did he just say what I thought he said? He did not just toast us before he toasted the bride and groom. As Leonard went on about how we met the night before, I stared at my shoes. I was terrified to look at the bride for fear that there would be daggers shooting out of her eyes.
“To the Poptarts!” the other guests toasted, raising their glasses. I snuck a peak at the bride, and there was nothing but warmth and happiness radiating from that little beauty. She had a huge smile on her face, as did her new husband. So we all drank. To us! This was great! More toasts were made, cake was eaten, the bride and groom danced. It was an amazing experience. As the party started winding down, Poptart checked his watch and indicated that we should probably start saying our goodbyes so that we could make our reservations.
“Goodbye?” Leonard said. “This party is just getting started.”
Huh?
“You must join us for dinner,” one of the beautiful sisters said.
“We don’t want to intrude. You all have been so gracious to us already,” Poptart said.
“Don’t be ridiculous! We already have spots saved for you,” Leonard said.
Poptart and I looked at each other, smiled, and shrugged. Reservations, shmeservations. This was the best spot in all of Jamaica.

After we left the reception hall we were escorted outside to a beautiful balcony overlooking part of the hotel as well as a breathtaking view of the ocean. As promised, there were spots set up with our names on them. Then we were treated to all the free booze we could drink as well as some of the best Jamaican food I had eaten the entire trip. We found out that the groom is a bounty hunter and former police officer who was originally from Jamaica. I’d bet money that people just turned themselves in instead of trying to run from him.
“Yes officer I did it.”
“But what did you do?”
“I don’t know. Please just don’t hurt me.”

This had been such an amazing night that we didn’t want it to end. Everyone had been so kind and open to us and made us feel like family. It’s hard to put into words. As we were hugging and thanking our new friends one of the sisters was passing out party favors to all of the guests when she brought each of us a bag as well. Oh my God. First the wedding, then the party and now they’re giving us gifts? I want these people to adopt me.
“Now don’t you two go disappearing on us. We’re going to watch Jazz tomorrow night.” a young dreadlocked man I had been sitting across from all night said to us.
“You’re on,” I said.

As we walked back to our room hand in hand Poptart and I both just smiled at one another. Because no matter where we were, or what we did, we seemed to be blessed.

To be continued…

Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Send questions, comments, brownie recipes or random brainfarts to: mrsdiagnosed@yahoo.com

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