Psychotic Sunday- I lie to you because I care.

Every Sunday on Mrs. Diagnosed we have Psychotic Sundays, where “Mrs. Diagnosed” becomes “Miss Information.” From here on out Sundays will be dedicated to advice. Kind of like “Dear Abby,” if Abby were a drunken ex-convict with ADHD. We want you, the readers, to write in with any problems you haven’t been able to solve with alcohol and/or Oprah. The reason I say “we” is because I have put together a top-notch team of “experts” to help you with your issues. Please keep in mind we are not professional therapists.

Each one of us has written a description of ourselves. When you write in you can choose to pose your question to one of us directly, or just throw it in the pot and we’ll draw for it. Questions will then be posted on Sundays along with our answers. Our descriptions are at the bottom of the page.

And now for your reading pleasure…..

Dear Mrs. Diagnosed,

I’m writing to you because I’m currently in a long distance relationship and I’m not sure if I should stay in it. I’ve been dating a wonderful man for about 4 months now and even lived with him and another roommate Jim for 2 months. We have been madly in love with one another. Then one day while I was living with him, a girlfriend from high school called him to tell him she had just moved back to California. When he was talking to her on the phone his face lit up. I’m not going to lie, it made me really uncomfortable.

My boyfriend and I lived in Carlsbad at the time (he still lives there) when I got a really good job offer from LA that I just couldn’t turn down. I knew I was going to be moving so when the girl from HS called I told my boyfriend that I didn’t want to make my life more complicated and that if he wanted to be with her I would back out of the relationship. I would rather leave on my own then be involved in any sort of love triangle. But my boyfriend assured me that they were just friends and that I’m the one he loves.

Well now I live in LA and I called him last Friday and Jim my boyfriends roommate picked up the phone. I asked him if my boyfriend was there and he said he wasn’t and that he has gone down to Mexico for the night with the girlfriend of his from HS. Needless to say I’m pissed!

So the next day I call him and ask him what’s up? And he tells me that he didn’t tell me he was going to Mexico with her because he knew I would freak out. Then I asked him where she slept and he told me he wasn’t going to justify that with a response and that I was being immature and that people from the opposite sex can be friends and that I need to get over it.

By the time the conversation was over I was the one who felt like an asshole. So my question is, am I wrong to be suspicious?  Did I overreact here?  I love him so much and don’t know what to do. Please help.


Dear Confused,

I’m not going to sugar coat this for you so here it goes. If he did nothing wrong then why did he feel the need to lie to you? And I’m not buying into the whole “I knew this is how you would react” bullshit. Also, he doesn’t want to justify your question of where she slept with a response. How’s he going to justify your foot up his ass? I’m sorry but I’m 99.99% positive you’re getting played here. You know how I know? Because I’ve not only been played, but I have been a master player myself. I know every trick in the book and am pretty sure I’ve even invented some new ones.

I know you love this guy and I’m not trying to be insensitive but I’m trying to be direct with you because I think you deserve at least some honesty in your life. My advice is to cut and run while you can. You’ve only invested a couple of months here, and the fact that you’re in LA and he’s in Carlsbad is just going to give him more opportunity to lie to you. Be free little sister. You have a new job and a new life. Now get out there and find a new man. And this time when another woman calls and his face lights up follow your instinct and back out, because you were right on the money the first time.


Mrs. Diagnosed

Mrs. Diagnosed: Has experience in sarcasm, being a bad-ass, criminal tendencies, man-eating, playing stupid, looking innocent, breaking up with cheating ex’s, dating like a man, drinking, annoying people on purpose, beauty pageants, panic attacks, crazy family members, being stalked by regular people, being stalked by the mob, drugs (prescription as well as recreational), home improvement, problems with authority, and all around tomfoolery.

Madam DD: A firm believer in “Do what I say and Not as I Do,” highly qualified in accepting all “Triple-Dog-Dares,” and is a firm believer in Karma. Well versed in dirty sex-talk, unhealthy relationships, and creative punishments. Has Mafia ties and has been Paternally Biologically Misled. Has no problem with getting into trouble and providing alibis for those in need. Talk to me…

Ms. Christina: Has experience with divorce, childrearing, sarcastic teenagers, fearless, accident-prone daughters. I also spend a lot of time with my 2-year old nephew and am tortured by Elmo and Sesame Street on a daily basis. I am currently planning their demise. I am a happy optimist but if you f*^k with me I will eat your soul. Currently living in Sin City but not currently sinning. *Christina is our positive affirmations expert.

Ron: Slightly deranged with narcissistic borderline personality disorder. The sole frightened male in a dwelling with four females. Former womanizer. Experience with all forms of substance abuse, psychotic ex-girlfriends, punk rock, Grateful Dead, philosophy, politics, anti-politics, deviant sexual behavior, fist fights, Disney, and outdoor recreation. I will not answer any questions having to do with clowns or so-called “little people” as they scare me senseless.

Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Send questions, comments, brownie recipes or random brainfarts to:

2 Responses to “Psychotic Sunday- I lie to you because I care.”

  1. Psychotic Sunday- I lie to you because I care….

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

    • Thank you so much for adding a trackback to your weblog. That is really cool of you. I checked out your site and it’s next level. You are what I hope to grow up and be one day:) If I can pay you back in anyway let me know.
      Mrs. D

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