Psychotic Sunday’s- The Negativity Magnet
Every Sunday on Mrs. Diagnosed we have Psychotic Sundays, where “Mrs. Diagnosed” becomes “Miss Information.” From here on out Sundays will be dedicated to advice. Kind of like “Dear Abby,” if Abby were a drunken ex-convict with ADHD. We want you, the readers, to write in with any problems you haven’t been able to solve with alcohol and/or Oprah. The reason I say “we” is because I have put together a top-notch team of “experts” to help you with your issues. Please keep in mind we are not professional therapists.
Each one of us has written a description of ourselves. When you write in you can choose to pose your question to one of us directly, or just throw it in the pot and we’ll draw for it. Questions will then be posted on Sundays along with our answers. Our descriptions are at the bottom of the page.
And now for your reading pleasure…..
Dear Ms. Christina,
It seems that no matter what I do or where I go I’m a target for negativity right now. I know the old saying that you attract what your giving out, but in this case I don’t think that’s true. I’m a happy person who just wants to live my life, but for whatever reason people feel as though they have license to say whatever the hell they want to me. It’s coming at me from all sides. Family, people who think they know me enough to have an opinion, I’m getting overwhelmed. I guess my question is, how do I bust through the bubble of negativity that I seem to be in-cased it? Please help!!!!
SNAP OUT OF IT! This isn’t about you- this is about those around you trying to get a rise out of you. People know that you will react and like to see you react so they say and do things to you to get a reaction. So, cut that shit out! When someone tells you your ugly and your mother dresses you funny tell them you were not aware and thank them for pointing it out to you and walk away! That is the most important part- WALK AWAY! What you need to understand is once they see that they are not getting a rise out of you then it is no longer fun for them and they will stop. The people in your life who matter most will not do this to you- those that do are not important and need to be removed. I do live in the desert and have several shovels, I’m just sayin, Take care of you- and everything else will fall into place. And those around you who don’t matter will eventually go away. On a serious note- Be grateful for what you have, be thankful for who you are- your a beautiful person. I may not know you personally but I can tell that you are blessed and loved! Be good to yourself first and everything else will fall into place! Take Care!!
Mrs. Diagnosed: Has experience in sarcasm, being a bad-ass, criminal tendencies, man-eating, playing stupid, looking innocent, breaking up with cheating ex’s, dating like a man, drinking, annoying people on purpose, beauty pageants, panic attacks, crazy family members, being stalked by regular people, being stalked by the mob, drugs (prescription as well as recreational), home improvement, problems with authority, and all around tomfoolery.
Madam DD: A firm believer in “Do what I say and Not as I Do,” highly qualified in accepting all “Triple-Dog-Dares,” and is a firm believer in Karma. Well versed in dirty sex-talk, unhealthy relationships, and creative punishments. Has Mafia ties and has been Paternally Biologically Misled. Has no problem with getting into trouble and providing alibis for those in need. Talk to me…
Ms. Christina: Has experience with divorce, childrearing, sarcastic teenagers, fearless, accident-prone daughters. I also spend a lot of time with my 2-year old nephew and am tortured by Elmo and Sesame Street on a daily basis. I am currently planning their demise. I am a happy optimist but if you f*^k with me I will eat your soul. Currently living in Sin City but not currently sinning. *Christina is our positive affirmations expert.
Ron: Slightly deranged with narcissistic borderline personality disorder. The sole frightened male in a dwelling with four females. Former womanizer. Experience with all forms of substance abuse, psychotic ex-girlfriends, punk rock, Grateful Dead, philosophy, politics, anti-politics, deviant sexual behavior, fist fights, Disney, and outdoor recreation. I will not answer any questions having to do with clowns or so-called “little people” as they scare me senseless.
Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Send questions, comments, brownie recipes or random brainfarts to: firstname.lastname@example.org