Psychotic Sunday- Facebook Dilemma
Every Sunday on Mrs. Diagnosed we have Psychotic Sundays, where “Mrs. Diagnosed” becomes “Miss Information.” From here on out Sundays will be dedicated to advice. Kind of like “Dear Abby,” if Abby were a drunken ex-convict with ADHD. We want you, the readers, to write in with any problems you haven’t been able to solve with alcohol and/or Oprah. The reason I say “we” is because I have put together a top-notch team of “experts” to help you with your issues. Please keep in mind we are not professional therapists.
Each one of us has written a description of ourselves. When you write in you can choose to pose your question to one of us directly, or just throw it in the pot and we’ll draw for it. Questions will then be posted on Sundays along with our answers. Our descriptions are at the bottom of the page.
And now for your reading pleasure…..
Dear Ms. Christina,
The father of my son. . .that I haven’t talked to in 3 years. Who hasn’t paid a lick of child support. And has shown no sign of wanting to be in his son’s life. His brother is asking me to add him to my friends on Facebook. I did add my son’s Grandma on his dad’s side. Only cuz I feel bad for her. She cant help it her son is an idiot! But don’t you think adding the brother that I don’t even know to be my friend is too much????
Dear Friend NOT-n-law,
As I ponder a response to your dilemma I must warn you that I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The Angel says, life is too short, be in the now, be in the moment, have no regrets and be the bigger person. This man just wants to keep his family together and to be in his nephews life. The Devil says fuck that! That is such crap- what a load of horse pucky! Ok, Devil, we get it, do you have a point to make? Yes, of course he does. Being a single mother for the last 14 years I can tell you that I have had to raise these two crazy monsters, I mean precious little darlings on my own without child support and the help of a male figure so I can sympathize, it is difficult. But thinking like a man, lets be honest, he is probably close to his idiot brother, they are blood after all, and wants to keep an eye on his nephew and you so he can report back to him what is going on and all that he is missing. This could work one of two ways. Your ex can take this info and say ok, just keeping in touch and knowing what your doing is enough for me or he can come back and say- Honey I made a mistake and I need you and the boy in my life. Now fair warning the chances of the second happening are not slim, they are anorexic. I am not sure how old your son is, I only know that you have been on your own for the last 3 years and I am sure you are doing an awesome job. So, being the independent mother, and woman that you are- hit that ignore button with pride and hug that boy until he yells MOM THAT’S TOO TIGHT! Then you can post as your status for the day “I am woman, I am invincible, I am tired!” Good luck and take care!
Each one of us has written a description of ourselves. When you write in you can choose to pose your question to one of us directly, or just throw it in the pot and we’ll draw for it. Questions will then be posted on Sundays along with our answers. Please send questions to me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and let me know which of the following crackpots you choose to be your moral Sherpa.
Mrs. Diagnosed: Has experience in sarcasm, being a bad-ass, criminal tendencies, man-eating, playing stupid, looking innocent, breaking up with cheating ex’s, dating like a man, drinking, annoying people on purpose, beauty pageants, panic attacks, crazy family members, being stalked by regular people, being stalked by the mob, drugs (prescription as well as recreational), home improvement, problems with authority, and all around tomfoolery.
Madam DD: A firm believer in “Do what I say and Not as I Do,” highly qualified in accepting all “Triple-Dog-Dares,” and is a firm believer in Karma. Well versed in dirty sex-talk, unhealthy relationships, and creative punishments. Has Mafia ties and has been Paternally Biologically Misled. Has no problem with getting into trouble and providing alibis for those in need. Talk to me…
Ms. Christina: Has experience with divorce, childrearing, sarcastic teenagers, fearless, accident-prone daughters. I also spend a lot of time with my 2-year old nephew and am tortured by Elmo and Sesame Street on a daily basis. I am currently planning their demise. I am a happy optimist but if you f*^k with me I will eat your soul. Currently living in Sin City but not currently sinning. *Christina is our positive affirmations expert.
Ron: Slightly deranged with narcissistic borderline personality disorder. The sole frightened male in a dwelling with four females. Former womanizer. Experience with all forms of substance abuse, psychotic ex-girlfriends, punk rock, Grateful Dead, philosophy, politics, anti-politics, deviant sexual behavior, fist fights, Disney, and outdoor recreation. I will not answer any questions having to do with clowns or so-called “little people” as they scare me senseless.
Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Send questions, comments, brownie recipes or random brainfarts to: email@example.com