I love my MAC lip liner!!!!
Oh shit…here we go again. Just breathe, I told myself, as I could feel my heart starting to beat harder in my chest and I was trying my best to catch a deeper breath.
It’s just a panic attack. No biggie, it will pass.
I pushed myself up off the couch and circled our small living room in San Diego. We lived in a funky two-story guesthouse that sat precariously on the edge of a canyon. One of those places in California that you drive by and think, “Now why would some fool build a house there.” We had the best view from our large bay window. Part of it overlooked a canyon filled with lush cactus, and at times you might catch a glimpse of coyotes. Or the random homeless person. There was an enormous tree just outside the window. I’m not really sure what kind of tree it was, but it would hang down and it was always lush and green. It would smile at me daily and tell me everything was going to be all right.
If you looked to the right of the window you could see the 163 Freeway. Some people may question the beauty of living over a freeway, but to me it was perfection. The 163 signified Hillcrest, an eclectic part of San Diego known for its gay community, its great restaurants, and shops you couldn’t find anywhere else in the city. It always brought back such good memories for me. It had the Doc Martin store on the corner of University and 4th Ave. That was the store that started my shoe obsession. Before, shoes were just shoes. But these were Docs. I remember it like it was yesterday. They always say you remember your first, and my first was a pair of burgundy steel-toed boots. *Sigh*. I loved those boots.
Hillcrest is the home of “The Taste of Hillcrest”, a street festival where you can go from restaurant to restaurant and eat a little food from each. It is also home to the Gay Pride Parade, where you can drink beer and ogle hot shirtless men with whom you stand absolutely no chance. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?
Hillcrest has one of the best Farmer’s Markets aside from the one in Ocean beach. It had so much good food. The fresh made pita bread and hummus with the Greek olives, the tamales, and bread from Panera! My mouth is watering just writing about it. The fresh produce was always beautiful and the flowers! Oh…the flowers. You could buy the most amazing flowers for next to nothing. Our home was always full. I used to ride my pink Dela Cruz beach cruiser down to the Market on Sundays to meet up with my bestie Kristina. We would stroll around enjoying the weather while watching the little hippie kids rock out to the band that played there every week.
But today my tree couldn’t help me. My 163 Freeway and everything that came with it couldn’t fix what was happening. I was in trouble and I was pretty sure I was dying.
Light headed and hyperventilating, I crawled into our upstairs bathroom and went for the medicine cabinet. There it was. My saving grace in a bottle. Its name was Xanax. But I wasn’t sure it could save me this time. This was the BIG ONE.
As I lay on the floor, I was sure this was really the end. I didn’t want to die without saying goodbye to Poptart. But how? I know. I’ll leave him a message. So I crawled over to the bathroom counter and grabbed lip liner out of the drawer. I’ll write him a goodbye message on the floor. “Something poetic,” I think. As I was getting ready to write my last words, I realized that this wasn’t just ANY lip liner…this was a MAC lip liner. If I did manage to live though this, I would never forgive myself for wasting my best lip liner. I needed something cheaper. Damn it! Where is the Wet & Wild crap when you need it? Oh, screw it. He knows I love him.
Having given up on the note, I lay on my back. My limbs and lips were numb, and my heart was doing its best to burst from my body. I closed my eyes and… that’s when I saw the light. Oh God this is it… I’ve heard about this! I finally see the light that everyone keeps talking about! Wait… that’s not “The Light.” That’s just the sunlight coming through the bathroom window. I might just make it through this one. Thank you, Xanax. Once again I called and once again you answered. Until tomorrow then…when we meet again.