Having just moved to Houston, and being a stay-at-home mom, I was concerned that I would not get the opportunity to get out and meet people. So what did I do? I did what every other red blooded American mom does who is carrying extra baby weight she can’t shed. I joined a gym. Of course being totally gung ho on the idea I didn’t just sign up for one year. One year is for pussies. I signed up for three. But wait…there’s more! For an extra $19.99 a month I could sign Poptart up for three years as well. Now THAT’S a deal!!!!! So I called the hubby. Having totally drank the Bally’s Kool-Aid, they no longer needed their sales guy. They had me!
In my best, totally jacked-up-on-hoppers voice I pitched the idea.
“Hey, I can sign you up at Ballys for only $19.99 a month! How awesome is that? Do you want to join?”
Super excited and feeling like I had just closed my first deal, I turned back to the Bally’s guy.
“We’ll take two. Man! I can’t wait to blast my traps!!! Grrrrrr.”
Feeling elated, and with contract in hand, I thought to myself,“This is the first day of a new beginning for me. I’m going to be soooooo hot.”
Fast forward to 2 years later. I haven’t lost a pound. I just stare at the Bally’s contract. Not because I’m ashamed of myself, on the contrary. I have given up eating meat all together. I joined the YMCA in the rich part of town and have made great friends with my yoga instructor. The Y is a wonderful facility for my 3-year old. They have better childcare, a better pool, and five times the classes that Bally’s offered. All in all I’m a much healthier person. Nope, now I stare at the contract because I count down the months until I can finally stop paying them $70 a month for the privilege of not using their facilities. Having read the fine print AFTER the fact, I have found that besides death, there is pretty much no getting out of this one.
That is the inspiration for this FB post.

Mrs. Diagnosed: Dear Bally’s, I would like to cancel my membership due to my recent death. I have also been cremated and my ashes have been scattered in the Pacific Ocean.
Because of said death and new relocation it does make it impossible to work out at one of your many facilities. I do believe that this does meet the requirements needed to cancel my membership and would like to do so immediately.

Melissa: Mrs. Diagnosed, thank you for submitting your change of address. Please note that the Pacific Ocean is still on Earth, so you would still be eligible to participate in our water aerobics program. We will be happy to collect your monthly dues from your form of payment on file. Please note there will be an additional $5.00 charge for using a non Bally’s facility. We know you have many choices for your workout needs, so we thank you for choosing Bally’s!

* Special thanks to Melissa. You are one funny lady.


7 Responses to “Bally’s”

  1. Heehee!

  2. hi you! i also had to get a death diangosis to get out of a bally’s contract. bally’s might be a cult. hmmmmm? yes yoga instuctors rock 🙂 at least this one thinks you are the best! mwah!!!

  3. Awesome!

  4. Having NEVER read or subscribed to a blog how do I do the subscribing thing I know how to do the reading thing. Or have I subscribed just by simply reading? Any way I remember the days of waiting for my Ballys contract to expire what a great memory all that money flushed for two weeks of trying to be slim and fit, bah just walk. Love you girl glad you got your blog

    • Yea!!! I am so glad that you are reading this! Under the woman there should be archives, and under that should be subscriptions. Ignore that completely. Now stand up..put your arms above your head and yell “I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!! 3x’s while cursing horrible things about me in pig Latin. When you are done with that, sit back down and hit the subscription button. That ought to do it.:)

  5. stephsmith2 Says:

    Ugh, I frickin’ HATE Bally’s. This is how they screwed me – apparently my contract said in the fine print that it was “renewable”, meaning that unless I specifically contacted them and told them not to renew my membership (the dues for which were being directly debited from my bank account), then they reserved the right to continue debiting my account at an increased rate of $95 per month once the contract expired. Needless to say, I had stopped going before the expiration of the contract, and had a heart attack when I saw a charge for $95 from my bank account after I had thought the contract was canceled. I called them and complained, and was basically told F*** you. I asked to speak to a supervisor, and the woman actually said no, I’m not going to let you speak to a supervisor. I’ve never heard of such crappy customer service in my whole life. Now, 10 years later, I have Bally’s banging down my door trying to get me to rejoin. I even had someone call me once (recently) to do a “survey” about why I won’t rejoin Bally’s. I told him exactly why. You would think that all the negative word of mouth must be catching up to them by now…

    • I hate them, hate them, hate them. I have my calender marked for when my contract expires. I plan to have a party with all my new friends from the YMCA. My bank changed over from Wa Mu to Chase so I was given a new ATM card. Well the card Bally has on file is the old card:) They just sent me a bill for the balance I owe them and “to make your payments easier you may sign up for automatic withdrawl.” I would rather make their lives harder and let them send me the bill. This way they won’t be able to do that “renewable” thing to me. I’m counting down the days sister.

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