Having just moved to Houston, and being a stay-at-home mom, I was concerned that I would not get the opportunity to get out and meet people. So what did I do? I did what every other red blooded American mom does who is carrying extra baby weight she can’t shed. I joined a gym. Of course being totally gung ho on the idea I didn’t just sign up for one year. One year is for pussies. I signed up for three. But wait…there’s more! For an extra $19.99 a month I could sign Poptart up for three years as well. Now THAT’S a deal!!!!! So I called the hubby. Having totally drank the Bally’s Kool-Aid, they no longer needed their sales guy. They had me!
In my best, totally jacked-up-on-hoppers voice I pitched the idea.
“Hey, I can sign you up at Ballys for only $19.99 a month! How awesome is that? Do you want to join?”
“THAT’S AWESOME BABE!!!!”
Super excited and feeling like I had just closed my first deal, I turned back to the Bally’s guy.
“We’ll take two. Man! I can’t wait to blast my traps!!! Grrrrrr.”
Feeling elated, and with contract in hand, I thought to myself,“This is the first day of a new beginning for me. I’m going to be soooooo hot.”
Fast forward to 2 years later. I haven’t lost a pound. I just stare at the Bally’s contract. Not because I’m ashamed of myself, on the contrary. I have given up eating meat all together. I joined the YMCA in the rich part of town and have made great friends with my yoga instructor. The Y is a wonderful facility for my 3-year old. They have better childcare, a better pool, and five times the classes that Bally’s offered. All in all I’m a much healthier person. Nope, now I stare at the contract because I count down the months until I can finally stop paying them $70 a month for the privilege of not using their facilities. Having read the fine print AFTER the fact, I have found that besides death, there is pretty much no getting out of this one.
That is the inspiration for this FB post.
Mrs. Diagnosed: Dear Bally’s, I would like to cancel my membership due to my recent death. I have also been cremated and my ashes have been scattered in the Pacific Ocean.
Because of said death and new relocation it does make it impossible to work out at one of your many facilities. I do believe that this does meet the requirements needed to cancel my membership and would like to do so immediately.
Melissa: Mrs. Diagnosed, thank you for submitting your change of address. Please note that the Pacific Ocean is still on Earth, so you would still be eligible to participate in our water aerobics program. We will be happy to collect your monthly dues from your form of payment on file. Please note there will be an additional $5.00 charge for using a non Bally’s facility. We know you have many choices for your workout needs, so we thank you for choosing Bally’s!
* Special thanks to Melissa. You are one funny lady.